We Move On....
I am just not feeling so well, the same problem, i can't liberate myself form my emotions. They are blocking my mind.
The Feeling of gilt is consuming me. It's not allowing me to enjoy life. On temprorary basis i manage to dviate my attention for a little while but i know it's there, it's there in back of my mind some where refusing to disappear. What was her fault ? she loved and she loved immensely. She deserved much better than this. I can have all the arguments in the world to put myself in defending position, but the fact is it won't change the reality. Fact is someone got hurt, someone got deeply hurt. At the beginning it was very innocent and without any foul intention. At the climax i came out of it unharmed (did it?) and she didn't it could have been a lot worse through, and still it won't have changed where i am standing at this very momment. May be it would have made me an awful person ( as per my standars), what make me think i am not otherwise ? I find the argument of my friends misleading, when they try to put me at ease by giving me examples of all the worse kind of people ( in thier opinion ) compare to me. First of all, no one is going to be responisble for my deeds, but me, secondly what give them the right to judge, some one else. Defnding one bad by suggesting there are a lot more worse in the world is not going to make this world a better place.
As long as i am around her i will always be in a position to hurt her. I wonder how someon could be in such position, is this what love does to you , or is it when some one fall for the wrong person ? its funny how emotions can make you weak or make you very strong, hope can help you do impossible and false hope give you nothing but agony.
Despite the fact she claims that she doesn't care about me or what we had between us ( i wish it's true). I know those claims are hallow, some where there is hope. If that wasn't the case why upset if i am speaking up my mind, if i am just merely repreating the same thing ? so who is responisble the love or the person you in love with ? i know by going away instantly will hurt her once again, but it will give her time and space, which is enough to heal anything. I should have done this long time ago.
(Why it's too much about "I" and less aobut "you" my emotions drive is lie a roller coaster, going up and down without a warning. i am suddenly feeling lost , may its' because i am having problem with my internet connection i activated on my phone yesterday, Err.)
I need to collect my thoughts, they are scattered everywhrere. I am beginning to realise advise of this wise fellow, spread yourself to the extent whre you can recollect, you can spread as much as you want but at the end of the day you gonna have to gather everything back. That's tricky, we think we are running the show while dispersing, when it comes to congregatin, only then we realise what a mess we have created for ourselves. Now i may sound like someone who is scared of taking any further chances, . it's not all that sad, there is something in this not to be sad about, that is i had the ability to do lot worse, and i choose not to, this do give me little space ot breather, however i didn't do best either. I guess that's how life is, we learn and vow to oursleves not to repreat the same mistake, until we do that agian.
The Feeling of gilt is consuming me. It's not allowing me to enjoy life. On temprorary basis i manage to dviate my attention for a little while but i know it's there, it's there in back of my mind some where refusing to disappear. What was her fault ? she loved and she loved immensely. She deserved much better than this. I can have all the arguments in the world to put myself in defending position, but the fact is it won't change the reality. Fact is someone got hurt, someone got deeply hurt. At the beginning it was very innocent and without any foul intention. At the climax i came out of it unharmed (did it?) and she didn't it could have been a lot worse through, and still it won't have changed where i am standing at this very momment. May be it would have made me an awful person ( as per my standars), what make me think i am not otherwise ? I find the argument of my friends misleading, when they try to put me at ease by giving me examples of all the worse kind of people ( in thier opinion ) compare to me. First of all, no one is going to be responisble for my deeds, but me, secondly what give them the right to judge, some one else. Defnding one bad by suggesting there are a lot more worse in the world is not going to make this world a better place.
As long as i am around her i will always be in a position to hurt her. I wonder how someon could be in such position, is this what love does to you , or is it when some one fall for the wrong person ? its funny how emotions can make you weak or make you very strong, hope can help you do impossible and false hope give you nothing but agony.
Despite the fact she claims that she doesn't care about me or what we had between us ( i wish it's true). I know those claims are hallow, some where there is hope. If that wasn't the case why upset if i am speaking up my mind, if i am just merely repreating the same thing ? so who is responisble the love or the person you in love with ? i know by going away instantly will hurt her once again, but it will give her time and space, which is enough to heal anything. I should have done this long time ago.
(Why it's too much about "I" and less aobut "you" my emotions drive is lie a roller coaster, going up and down without a warning. i am suddenly feeling lost , may its' because i am having problem with my internet connection i activated on my phone yesterday, Err.)
I need to collect my thoughts, they are scattered everywhrere. I am beginning to realise advise of this wise fellow, spread yourself to the extent whre you can recollect, you can spread as much as you want but at the end of the day you gonna have to gather everything back. That's tricky, we think we are running the show while dispersing, when it comes to congregatin, only then we realise what a mess we have created for ourselves. Now i may sound like someone who is scared of taking any further chances, . it's not all that sad, there is something in this not to be sad about, that is i had the ability to do lot worse, and i choose not to, this do give me little space ot breather, however i didn't do best either. I guess that's how life is, we learn and vow to oursleves not to repreat the same mistake, until we do that agian.
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